Knowing How You Found The One


Society tends to idealize inflammatory relationships overwhelmed with passion, but this may not be what you want. The idea of overly romanticized love is continually perpetuated. We want partners that make us break into a cold sweat, who we fanaticize about, and think about constantly. There is just one problem with this type of idealizing, it is never a real relationship. It always ends up being a lesson we learn from, but not something long term. Sometimes, it takes years to learn this lesson because the relationship starts intensely with lots of chemistry, but this turns to infatuation. The outside world seems to disappear into the other person and then the inevitable happens, the infatuation turns to jealousy, controlling behaviors, and emotional chaos because you are not in control. There will be extreme highs and lows with passionate fights and love, but it ends up being too much. This ends in an emotional break-up that is often played out on social media causing further problems. You become so wrapped up in the drama that you may feel as if you cannot live without them. You may know you are not happy and that it is a fatal attraction, but you do not want to give up. This is the lesson.

You are not really in love with the person, but the lesson. Until you work out why you are attracted or were, in the first place, you will continue to chase after them. Something needs to be figured out in your life and this person is how you are to learn. They are a transitional soulmate. A soulmate is a person we have a connection to that is special and feels otherworldly, but there are two categories, transitional and primary. We should never marry a transitional soulmate.

Most of us gravitate toward transitional soulmates because of the intensity and excitement. There is an undeniable connection, but it is not healthy until properly worked through. Most of us are not willing to do the work, just commit and expect things to work out. This is why many transitional soulmate marriages do not work out and end in divorce.

Identifying a Primary Soulmate

A primary soulmate connection is balanced and harmonious. It easily flows and seems effortless. It may seem like this person is your best friend as you feel understood and cared for, as well as supported. You will trust the connection as you are able to express yourself freely and know that it is a safe space. You will both have similar life paths, hobbies, and interests making this person feel like home. This drama-free connection is much different from a transitional connection. It may feel boring in comparison, but if you long for the drama, you are not ready for a primary soulmate. With a primary connection, the sex is good, but not explosive. The primary has other deep connections that allow the relationship to grow, but if this is not what you want, then primary is not for you. Primary has the type of connections that will take you into old age together. These are intellectual, spiritual, and special interest in nature. Since many are not ready for this, they walk away from primary connections. They instead choose excitement that can only last short term. Primary connections are easy and moving to the next level is natural. By contrast, transitional connections require lots of work and fall into dysfunction easily.

It is possible to move a relationship from transitional to primary, but it is difficult. Both partners would need a conscious awareness and a dedication to a path of mutual healing. To make this move, each partner must know the lessons and work they are individually working on and continue to work independently. This can take years and will require vulnerability, communication, and patience for both people. It is a very rare occurrence because most in this type of relationship do not want such work. Transitional relationships tend to have a superficial foundation making the work even more difficult. In fact, the healthier you are, the less you will reach for transitional soulmates.

The more you are willing to work on yourself, the less interested in drama you become. Your personal development vibration lifts you to attract other souls that are also higher. As you evolve, you will be more accepting of primary souls. Transitional soul mates walk you over the bridge, but primary soul mates are truly the next phase. Which appeals to you more at this point in life?